Powder In the Wind : There's Nothing Like Losing Your Mind!
by Vermillion Star
Summary: What do you think would happen if the powerful Commander Yamamoto becomes a cry-baby? How about Yoruichi being in-charge of Seireitei? Let's say, the brusque Zaraki becomes suddenly all flirty? Why don't you read and find out for yourself as hilarity ensues with 'experimental-residue-wrongly-dispose' mayhem breaks into Gotei 13!
1. Chapter 1 - So It Begins

**Author's Note**: Plot line occurred after the 17-month gap following Aizen's defeat.

*Would appreciate your feedback. Thanks!

* * *

**Chapter 1 – So it begins**

"Oh yeah! Oh, yeah! Am so great!" the face-painted mad scientist Kurotsuchi Mayuri chirped in a sing-song manner as he stared at the specimens in front of him. He had been experimenting for months on these low-life Arrancars which he took as bounties from Hueco Mundo.

"Finally, I can rest and sleep as long as I like. Yeah! Success is mine!" declared the mad scientist in a rather loud tone inside his private laboratory situated deep within 12th Division vast underground research facility. His voice reverberated around the four-corners of the gloomy, dimly-lit room. No one is present neither to hear nor to see the elated state Mayuri is currently in except the now forever-silenced specimens lying dissected on the tables.

"Nemuuuu!" yells Mayuri. Where is my good-for-nothing fukutaicho? He said to himself.

"Hai, Captain!" The usually quiet lieutenant arrived in less than a blink of an eye. She now stood in attention in front of Captain Kurotsuchi and ready to take action on any instructions that would be hurled at her.

Despite Nemu's quick as a flash response to the callout, the sadistic captain is still very much dissatisfied. In a very menacing hissed tone, Mayuri look down at the emotionless Nemu in front of him.

"Make me wait for another 0.2 milliseconds next time around, I assure you'll end up in a liquefied version of yourself. Do you understand, Nemu?"

"Understood, Captain" the ever-compliant fukutaicho replied.

"Good". Mayuri continued. "Now, take care of these specimens. They have served their purpose for now but make sure they will still be in good shape should I need them further in the future. Also, since I have been up for 3 weeks straight, _(note: zero sleep)_ ensure I won't be disturbed in my rest".

"Hai, Captain!" answered Nemu and of course the only possible reply she can give.

Nemu silently and still unmoving, watched as her captain turn his back on her. He took a few stride back to his desk littered with stack of papers. He then picked up his 'now-cold-as-ice-tea', took a sip and headed for the door without looking back neither saying as much as ''bye' to his created daughter.

* * *

Now alone, Nemu sighed as she picked up the dissected subjects one by one and placed them inside preservation laboratory capsules. She has no choice but to do the chores - _alone_. Her captain does not allow anyone except her to enter his private laboratory.

As soon as the room had been cleansed from the 'experimental rubbish', Nemu moved to Mayuri's desk. Carefully, she made sure that everything on the table remain where they are as she picked up and placed the accumulated used teacups in a tray along with the empty bowls of tea herbs and sugar. She then noticed a bowl of powdered milk. Since when did Captain Kurotsuchi takes a liking with milk-drinks? Shaking her head, she put the half-filled bowl in the tray then proceeds outside the room. Once at the doorway, she stopped to turn around and to take a final glimpse of the room. Satisfied that everything is in order, Nemu locks the door and heads straight ahead into the pantry where she left the tray.

Unfortunately, in view of the fact that Mayuri's private laboratory is illuminated with dim lights only, Nemu did not notice the badly-written note on a tiny scratch paper lying right beside the powdered milk bowl which was weighted down by a dried-used teaspoon. The tiny note remained right where it is along with the stack of papers on top of Mayuri's desk. On it was scrawled : Body Switching Powder.

* * *

Hanataro Yamada make his way towards Squad 12 pantry. Cleaning of the sewage system underneath Seireitei is all but tiring but his day is far from over. The diminutive 7th seat of Squad 4 still needs to attend in the clean-up of Squad 12's pantry. He needs to make certain that all used utensils, dishes and alike are done. Likewise, all garbage is properly disposed of.

While doing the pile of dishes and cups, Hanataro noticed the half-filled bowl of powdered milk. He knows for sanitary purpose, he cannot return the leftover milk back into the canister. Oh! What a waste! He muttered to himself. He then took a shallow disposable container and into it poured the powdered milk from the serving bowl.

He knows what to do. He will mix it with lukewarm water and give it the hungry kittens he saw on the street just outside the walls of Seireitei. Happy with the thoughts of being of help with the needy creatures, he made his finishing touch to clear Squad 12's pantry of grime and clutter.

Seeing that his duty has been fulfilled, Hanataro picked up the disposable container and proceeds towards Squad 4 barracks. He must submit his daily report to Lieutenant Isane Kotetsu. He must hurry.

* * *

"That slash-happy Zaraki will get good beating from me! This is the nth time I told him to stop destroying his barracks with all this violent _sparring session_! I can no longer approve release of funds for repair of the destroyed infrastructure! " Captain Commander Yamamoto muttered to himself as he heads towards 11th Division barracks. I will make my personal appearance right there at his doorstep, he angrily thought to himself.

In his anger, he felt his temple throbbing. "I could handle the heat of _Ryūjin Jakka_ flame without affecting my blood pressure. Anything but this idiot Zaraki! Now, I have to drop by at Unohana's squad first to ensure I don't suffer from hypertension. Fools!", Captain Yamamoto continuously talked to himself.

The captain commander immediately stopped at the entrance of Squad 4. Looking down at his feet, a crumpled heap of _Shihakusho _lies, which happens to contain the body of forever clumsy Hanataro who directly bumped into the rock-hard body of Captain Yamamoto.

"Gomenasai! Gomenasai!" Hanataro wails at the foot the Gotei 13's Head Captain.

"Hanataro Yamada. Watch where you are going", Captain commander growled.

"Hai, Captain Commander", this was all Hanataro could say. The reitsu is so strong – suffocating and gripping, He could barely move. Nor breathe. Nor look up from where the authoritative voice is coming.

"Good Afternoon, Captain Yamamoto", Captain Unohana's voice sweetly rang from behind. "It was so seldom of you to visit us nowadays. Please come in", she continued.

"I just dropped by for some preventive medication, Unohana". Captain Yamamoto's curt reply. His attention now diverted away from the ashen Hanataro.

"Preventive medication for what?", inquired the Healer as she approaches the Gotei 13 head. In the process, Unohana stepped on some of the powder residue spilled from Hanataro's now-coverless container.

"Possible hypertension. I am about to see that idiot Zaraki".

* * *

Hanataro Yamada slowly crept away from the foot of the Captain Commander.

Oh no! half of the powdered milk is all over the commander's Shihakusho! Where is the cover of this container? It must have fallen of somewhere due to impact with the head taicho. The panic stricken 7th seat frantically thought to himself.

* * *

A black cat watched lazily from behind the nearby bushes.

"Achoo!" a cute neko-sneeze escaped from the feline as Captain Unohana passed by her to return to office after giving the captain commander the medication requested. Damn dust from Unohana's foot sole.

Boring. There is nothing of interest here. The were-cat left

* * *

"Captain Unohana, may we enter the room?" a voice from outside the room called.

"Yes, come in Isane", the Head Healer replied.

"Good afternoon, Captain Unohana", simultaneously greeted by Isane and Rangiku.

"Oh! good afternoon, ladies. What brought the two of you here? It is almost dismissal time." Captain Unohana asked the two lieutenants. She was standing beside her desk making floral arrangement of pink roses.

"Captain, I would like to ask for your permission regarding Lieutenant Isane. I have asked her to accompany me at the human world after office hours to search for a bridal shower gift " , explained Squad 10's Lieutenant Rangiku. She has a long and wavy blond hair, blue eyes, full lips, and a beauty mark located under the right side of her mouth.

"Rangiku, I see no problem with your request since it will done during your off duty hours. Permission granted. Please make sure you won't stay too long out there. I would need my lieutenant early tomorrow", replied Unohana without looking up from what she is doing. Her delicate hands meticulously putting the long stemmed pink roses into the white and gold vase.

"Yes, captain, thank you", both replied.

"Ah-um, Captain Unohana?", the tall young woman with gray eyes and short messy silver hair spoke. She wears a thin dangling red earring on each ear and a standard Shinigami uniform with her lieutenant badge on her left arm.

"You'd like to say something, Isane?", the gentle Squad 4 head quizzically looked up at her tall lieutenant.

"May I sweep your office floor? I believed there is some loose white powder scattered around", Isane said.

"Please allow me to help, Captain", the curvaceous Rangiku chimed in.

"Thank you so much. I will really appreciate that", Unohana's confirmed the requests.

* * *

"Achooooo!", Rangiku unsuccessfully tries to cover her mouth as she sneezed. Damn dust, she thought as she locates her handkerchief from her right pocket.

"Achooooo!", did I catch a cold? Isane wonders to herself.

* * *

Captain Jushiro Ukitake quietly watches his koi pond while having an occasional sip of the medicinal tea brought earlier by Rukia.

_Hmmmm….this tea tasted quite good despite being an herbal medicine. This far exceeded my expectation,_ Captain Ukitake mused to himself. Being sick more often than not, Ukitake had it seems tasted _every_ medication available at Seiretei. Admittedly, this tea from the human world had its taste enhanced in a better way to be enjoyed and make the sick's taste bud happy.

Clear blue skies accompanied by a gentle breeze. The soft rustling of water at the artificially created waterfall at the end of the koi pond is a pleasing interruption amidst the silence of Squad 13's Captain living quarters. Today is really a nice day, Ukitake notes to himself.

Suddenly, a familiar reitsu nearby caught the attention of the tall, white-haired captain. He slowly stood up from his chair and make his way toward the familiar reiatsu outside his squad's barracks.

Captain Ukitake Jushiro stood patiently at the entrance gate of his barracks for the arrival of the owner of that familiar strong reiatsu.

Noticing the scowl written all over the face of the approaching figure, Ukitake decided to address him in monotonously formal tone. "Good afternoon, Commander Yamamoto", his voice loud enough to bridge the few meters distance between them.

The medium height old man with very long white beard, and long eyebrows barely looks at him and continued on his tracks. "Good afternoon, Jushiro. You look well today", quipped the Gotei 13 commander.

The taller man quickly set track beside the older man with a perpendicular scars above on his right eye. Judging from the direction of they are headed, Jushiro knew that Squad 11 is in for a big surprise today.

"You plan to come along, Jushiro?", Yamamoto asked his former student which is in actuality more of his own son to him

"Hai, Sensei. It is my pleasure to accompany you once in awhile", replied Jushiro. "Beside, I could also use a couple of blocks' walk to catch some fresh air on a good day like this", he continued.

"Yes, nothing could be perfect than having white powder strewn all over my uniform by that idiot kid Hanataro. Yet, nothing beats with what that imbecile Zaraki ...…"

"Here we are. Squad 11's barracks", Jushiro cuts the head captain speech. He purposely did so when he sensed that Commander Yamamoto's reiatsu spiked just by mentioning Zaraki's name.

* * *

_Shit, where is Ikaku? Where is that annoying little pink-haired pest? Why do I have to do all these reports? The hell! I am a 5th seat! 5th seat! Do they know how to count?This should be the job of the people up there, not mine,_ Yumichika Ayasegawa angrily thought. Don't they know that I hated paperwork as much as they do?

"Hey, Yumichika! Where is that bald friend of yours? Go and get him!" growled the tall, muscular and aggressive captain of the battle loving Squad 11 and interrupting the flamboyant underling's thoughts. " Bring Ichigo here. I could use some good fight! Peace is not my thing. Dammit, this is entirely boring!".

_Didn't just Ichigo lost his shinigami powers? How will that orange-haired ryoka would even see us in our spirit form? Could the ugliness of idiocy within our captain is endless?_ Yumichika asked himself.

"Captain Zaraki, I believed Ichigo will not be able to fight you at his current state", the vain shinigami said carefully. If he wants to keep his beauty, he better not make his captain angry. Else. he might take another form if he gets beaten up. That is, if ever he survives Zaraki's wrath.

"That settles it! I will go and fight that pretty boy Kuchiki!", Zaraki declared as he stood up from the couch and walks toward the far corner of his office.

Ka-blam! His fist hits the wall and debris flew everywhere. Normally, Zaraki would not wait until the dust settles but instead will go-a-flying to any direction he thought correctly leads to his target. Not now. Not today.

Zaraki stood motionless. Bad news. Dammit!, he thought. Why does _he_ needs to be here? He does not know whether to suffocate from the dust that still swirls around him or to burn in the ominous reitsu of the man standing before him.

The red-infernal-fiery eyes of Commander Yamamoto glares at Zaraki from other side of the destroyed wall.

Zaraki does not earned him the name _Kenpachi_ for nothing. Yet he perfectly knows that to mess with the Gotei 13 head is not a wise decision – not now. Not ever. He needs to come up with a good excuse now or else…Damn it, Zaraki! Think! Think! Think!

Regaining his composure, Zaraki pasted a wide grin into his face. "Welcome to Squad 11's humble abode, Commander Yamamoto", he begins. " Allow me to greet you with a style that we are attributed with! Please come in!"

"Stop this non-sense!", roared Yamamoto. "Such a pathetic lie! This is unacceptable", the Gotei 13 general now angrily tapped his walking cane.

_Oooopppssss…did Commander saw through my excuse?_ Zaraki silently thought but his wide Cheshire cat smile still pasted on his face. _This have to work, please…please_ – he quietly wished.

Yamamoto menacingly move forward to the unmoving Zaraki.

"Captain Kenpachi Zaraki" growled Yamamoto, " You are a hopeless battle-maniac. The repairs for all the destroyed facility of the Squad 11 and all other demolished infrastructure based from the result of your violent actions shall be repaired immediately".

"Thank you for your generosity, Commander", Zaraki barked happily. Can he really be this cunning in making up excuses that even the rigid Yamamoto was able to believe?

The Gotei 13 general continued, " All funds shall be released immediately. This will be deducted from your salary, allowances and bonuses. This also includes deduction from you subordinates pay and your squad's overall operating budget". As soon as the last word was uttered, the general shunpo'd out of sight, leaving behind the much-shocked Zaraki and dust-coughing Ukitake.

"Captain Zaraki, how will Squad 11 survive without budget and salary?" emerged the voice of Yumichika beneath the scattered debris.

"Shut the hell up!" yelled Zaraki to his subordinate. " Better off without salary than become an incinerated shinigami!.


	2. Chapter 2 - Fun-tastic Revelations

**Author's note: Please review. Reader's thoughts are writer's inspiration. Thanks!**

**No pairings. All stars cast!I have added notes at the end of the story instead here so as not to spoil your reading. Ah-um! no skipping! Please read through each chapter. I promise, things would become more interesting as we move along. Anyway, with Yoruichi and Matsumoto around, who will be bored? :P

Disclaimer : I do not own Bleach!

* * *

**Chapter 2 - Fun-tastic Revelations!**

The ground is violently shaking as storm of fire relentlessly falls everywhere. Everything is ablaze. There is nothing else but sea of flames all around. Hanataro tried to escape the blazing inferno but there is nowhere to run. Exhausted, he fell on the ground. "I am sorry, Captain Unohana. I can no longer be of service to you. Thank you.", as soon as his last words were spoken, flames engulfed him and scorched every part of his tiny body.

* * *

"Aaaaahhhhh!", Hanataro screamed and sat bolt upright from the bed. He was sweating profusely and trembling hard. I am so glad it was all a dream, he sighed with relief to himself.

Hanataro 's mind is still fresh with yesterday's ill-fated encounter with Commander Yamamoto. Not to mention that Captain Unohana did not say a word but smiled to him regarding the incident. He perfectly know that the saccharine smile of Squad 4 captain is as deadly as the stoic mask of Squad 6's Captain Kuchiki.

"I would definitely be extra mindful of my surrounding from this day onwards", he loudly promised to himself.

His words were spoken too soon. As soon as let himself back into reality, he realizes the size of the bed he was sitting on. Over sized bed. Purple sheets. Big, fluffy pillows. All far cry from his single-size, plain black and white futon. _Where am I?,_ he shuddered.

Hanataro further surveyed the big room. Brown and beige draperies. Big writing table and what…..?!

At the chair hangs a captain's haori - Captain Commander Yamamoto's very own haori!

Hanataro's heart sank. His entire body violently shakes from fear. THIS is Captain Yamamoto's room! His mind is now completely blank except for the recollection of his nightmare. So, that is a premonition? He quickly steps towards the door.

Wait. What? _Did I just shunpo'd?,_ he is now more perplexed than ever. Does it really mean when your life is hanging by the thread, you can do the impossible?

Before he could even touch the doorknob, the door swung open widely. Lieutenant Chōjirō Sasakibe now stands at the doorway with hands on the hilt of his Zanpakuto, as if ready to strike anytime.

Without a word, Hanataro turned around and dashed for the other door located at further left side of room.

Hanataro immediately open the door hoping that Lieutenant Sasakibe who is just right behind will no longer follow him in his escape. Afterall, he is nothing but a weakling, is he not?

Good grief, the door is unlock. He stepped in - and froze. Captain Yamamoto is there – directly glaring into his eyes.

Hanataro's life flashed before him. Lieutenant Sasakibe is swift enough to catch his limp body before hitting the floor.

* * *

"Ahhhh! Good morning!" Yoruichi mumbled to herself. She stretched her lean legs and toned arms across her bed as a big yawn escaped her mouth.

The house seems so quiet. Gone is the usual rush foot traffic outside her room as Ururu and Jinta open the shop. This is unusual. Hold on. Tessai and Uruhara's reiatsu is nowhere nearby, too. Yoruichi opened her eyes. Alarmed.

_What the hell? Where am I? This is not my room or anywhere near the alley I normally sleep_, she thought. The former leader of Onmitsukidō quickly assessed her surroundings.

Queen size bed. Immaculate white bedsheet. Soft, feather pillows encased on pale yellow pillowcase with gold trimmings at the edge. Long-stemmed pink roses on a white and gold vase at the small writing desk at the corner of the room. Delicate rich brown and beige silk curtain hangs at the window. _Wow! Not much fuss or frills in this room yet very comfortable! No wonder I slept through the night like a baby, _chuckled Yoruichi.

_Hmmmmm, I wonder… whose room is this? Errr, should I say, how did I end up here?, _

For a moment, she dangled her feet at the side of the bed before finally stood up. She was horrified. Yoruichi's too busy at her own thoughts that she only realized now that she is on a sleepwear.

_When did I get dressed? I seldom sleep with clothes on neither can recall that I did put anything on last night!_

_Anyway, I will sort this out later. First, I need to use the bathroom_, she told herself. She walked towards a small door located about 3 meters away from the small writing desk. This must be it. She opened the door and entered.

Blink. Blink again. Blink once more. _No, I must be intoxicated. No, I did not drink last night. Yeah…I must be dreaming!_ The goddess of flash gave herself a hard slap on the cheeks. _Dammit! If that hurts, then I am awake!_

She stepped outside the bathroom once again. Okay, relax Yoruichi, she told herself aloud. Slowly, she re-entered the bathroom and carefully looks at herself in the mirror. She laughed so hard. This is fun, fun, fuuuuuuuuuuun!

The intelligent and witty, former captain of Squad 2 realized that something happened_. I will inform Kisuke later to get to the bottom of this phenomenon, but for now, I will just have some fun_, she thought. _I will deal with the consequences later_. Yoruichi happily pranced and whirled herself back into the bedroom. She already forgotten why she went to the bathroom in the first place.

Standing in the middle of the room, Yoruichi closed her eyes for a moment and opened them slowly. With a wide grin on her face, she spoke out loud – "Today, I am Captain Retsu Unohana**"**.

* * *

_There is no way that this can be true!_ Lieutenant Matsumoto whispered to herself. _I must immediately see Captain Unohana._

Along the way, Rangiku saw Captain Hisugaya Toshiro._ Oh no, it is too early and he is already on his way to office?, she thought. What will I do? No matter what, first things first! I have to see Captain Unohana._

Briefly, she stopped on her tracks. "Good morning, Hitsugaya Taichou". Yet before Toshiro could answer, Rangiku shunpo'd again towards the direction of Squad 4 barracks.

The young captain with turquoise eyes and short, spiked, white hair shook his head. Why is _she_ in such a hurry at this very early hour of the morning? It is barely 6:00am. Heading towards Squad 4? Must be some medical emergency, he mumbled. Well then, whatever, Toshiro continued walking.

_Sorry, Hitsugaya Taichou. I do not have the luxury of time right now. Gotta hurry! I will discuss matters with you later_, Lieutenant Matsumoto's apologetic thoughts as she shunpo'd to the living quarters of Squad 4 head.

* * *

"Captain Unohana! Captain Unohana!" a hurried voice called from outside of Head Healer's room.

_Damn! This early? Is this how Retsu's day starts_? Yoruichi inwardly thought. _Oh well, it is no different than when I was still with Onmitsukidō. Hour of the day is always out of the question. Time with the role-play_, she mused.

Mimicking Captain Unohana's gentle tone, she answered. "I am here. What's your concern?"

_Holy crap, this is harder than I thought_, Yoruichi said to herself. She was used to speak in a brusque, masculine manner, often times she speaks in a dialect used by elders, such as identifying herself as _"washi"_ (a term usually used by old men to define themselves with), instead of more feminine terms like _"watashi"_, in both her Human and animal forms.

" I am the third seat of Squad 1, Genshirō Okikiba, Captain Unohana", came the reply from outside the room. Lieutenant Sasakibe sent me here. Requesting for you urgent attendance at Squad 1 barracks. Commander Yamamoto requires immediate medical attention".

Yoruichi inwardly groaned. Of all the thousand inhabitants of the Soul Society, why does it have to be the old geezer? She planned to have a little fun but so it seems things ended before it even started!

She stomped her feet towards the door. _This should work! After all, getting into this Unohana's outfit and mannerism-practice took all morning! I have skipped breakfast for this, and then a party-pooper called? No, my plans should work,_ the were-cat is more resolved now than ever.

Yoruichi (_within the body of Unohana_), opened the door of her quarters. She wore the usual garb of Retsu – a standard Shinigami captain uniform with an obi instead of the normal sash and wore her long hair in large braid at the front. She felt a little uncomfortable as her normal attire consists of a black, backless, sleeveless undershirt, an orange over-shirt with two white straps on each shoulder, a large beige sash around her waist, and black stretch pants with a pair of lightweight brown shoes, which allow for stealth and easy use of Shunpo.

"Let's go, Okikiba"

The third seat followed _Unohana_ as she shunpo'd in the direction of Squad 1 barracks without paying attention to the unusual speed of the Healer's flash step.

* * *

Sasakibe restlessly paced back and forth outside Captain Yamamoto's bedroom. His forehead wrinkled in deep thoughts. It was the first time he saw the captain commander in such worrisome state.

"You look so bothered", a female voice called from behind him.

Sasakibe almost jumped out of his skin. He was entirely lost in his own thoughts that he totally did not notice Captain Unohana's arrival.

"Good morning, Unohana taichou. I am sorry to have bothered you so early in the morning". In reality, Sasakibe is more embarrassed for letting his guard down rather than being sorry for calling forth Squad 4's captain.

_Unohana_ smiled gently. "Come. Let me take a look at Commander Yamamoto's condition"

Sasakibe opened the general's bedroom door and lead _Unohana_ inside the chamber. At the middle of the large bed, lies the ashen figure of Yamamoto. His hands tightly gripping the edge of the rich purple sheet, knuckles pallid. His eyes full of immeasurable fear.

"How are you feeling, Soutaichou?, Unohana asked as she sat on the bedside chair.

Deafening silence. No movement. Only Yamamoto's heavy breathing dared to disrupt the stillness.

_Oh well_, Yoruichi thought. _He looks like a kid who had just saw a zombie_. _Anyway, hope he does not notice ME in this body._

The Gotei 13 general slightly stirred in bed. His eyes met hers. "Captain Unohana, may I speak with you alone?" his voice barely audible as if ready to burst crying anytime now.

_Unohana_ gestured Sasakibe and the other non-seated shinigami, whom was watching the old man earlier, to take their leaves.

Yamamoto motioned _Unohana_ to come closer.

_I wonder what would Yamamoto tell me. Is it : 'I see dead people'? Nah, that isn't news. We're all dead here anyway. Or something encouraging like 'May the force be with you_"? Yoruichi amusingly thought. She then started to imagine all zanpakuto being wielded like her favorite movie's lightsaber – _colored blue, green, red… and wait, there's a purple one too!_

Unohana leaned closer to Yamamoto. She heard it. No, she must have taken her imagination too far that even her ears can hear things differently than what is being actually said.

"Captain Unohana…. please help me. I am Hanataro"

* * *

Sasakibe could hear Captain Unohana's laughter from within the room. Since when did the mild-mannered captain learned to laugh hysterically? First, Commander Yamamoto acting like a child who had seen a real zombie. Now, Captain Unohana laughing like - a sinister movie fiend? WTF!

* * *

It's an unforgettable moment.

Unohana's been laughing her head off for seems like eternity. She squeezed her eyes shut while shaking her head with streams of tears are running down her cheeks. Her laughter thundered off the walls before she eventually slows down, gasps for air and open her eyes wide while sniffling, grinning widely while trying to gain composure.

"Alright, Captain Yamamoto….errr, Hanataro", she continued. "Tell me. For your medication, which one would you like to pick – the red pill or the blue pill?", then once again burst into laughter.

* * *

**_Flashback. Hanataro's. _**

"Soutaichou" a deep male voice spoke. "Please stay still. I already sent 3rd seat Okikiba to fetch help from Captain Unohana".

Hanataro slowly opened his eyes and saw Lieutenant Sasakibe standing at the foot of his bed. _I am still at Captain Yamamoto's bedroom? Why? _

The 7th seat of Squad 4 tried to get up from the bed by supporting his weight using his left arms but failed. He fell back to his pillow. Wide-eyed. He began shaking. _No, it can't be_. His left arm was gone.

Sweats formed on his forehead. He wiped it with his remaining right arms. _A scar on my face? _Next_, _he ran his finger through his hair but touch -nothing._ Bald? _Lastly_, _He stared down at his chest._ Battle scars and toned muscled? _Hanataro dared not to look further.

Sasakibe carried on with the one-sided conversation. "I heard you screamed this morning hence, hurried here to check on you. Due to the exigency of the situation, I immediately opened your door. You were already standing at the doorway but ran away when you saw me. I followed you as you scurried to the bathroom and managed to catch you when you lost consciousness upon stepping inside. I wonder what you saw in the mirror?" his long monologue ends.

_What? A mirror?_ Hanataro maybe clumsy but still, he is a medical shinigami. He knows the possibility of impossible at Soul Society is no stranger especially with Squad 12 around.

* * *

_Unohana_ made her way back to Squad 4 barracks with a sly grin on her face. She had advised _Yamamoto,_ errrr , Hanataro, to stay in bed and never speak to anyone until she gets back. To minimize risk of _their_ secret being divulge untimely to others, she instructed Sasakibe not to disturb the Soutaichou neither accept visitors.

Tickled pink on the recent event with _Yamamoto_, she couldn't help but wonder how to make things further interesting. Her trains of thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

"Captain Unohana, my apologies but I believe you are the only one who will be able to understand me. I have been waiting all morning but was told you're with Soutaichou".

_Unohana_ look at the woman standing in front of her. Her face is a complete expression of agitation, disbelief and puzzlement.

"Tell me, Isane. I am all ears".

Her tall fukutaichou, sighed. Looking straight into her eyes, nonchalantly declared, " I am Matsumoto Rangiku"

* * *

**Author's Additional Notes:**

1. To avoid confusion, I have italicized the names of the characters with whom the body was already swapped with another (e.g _Unohana_ which means she is now Yoruichi)

2. Please do not forget to review! Feel free to drop me a note. Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3 - The Six Sensed Sick

**Author's Note:** Wonder who else were affected by the bizarre incident? Go on. Keep reading!

Additional notes were added at the bottom to avoid spoilers. Enjoy! You know the drill, Read and Review! Thanks!

* * *

******Chapter 3 – The Six Sensed Sick**

**#1**

Jushiro Ukitake calmly closed his eyes. His mind is painstakingly taking time to recall events of the previous day. Frame by frame, he reels every detail to himself.

Sure thing today is a far better than yesterday. Gone is his usual morning queasiness. His body more agile thus he does not have to drag himself out of bed. His limbs and torso are with renewed vitality of youth.

_This is very surprising_ _and at the same time scary_. His heart raced a little faster just with the thought of the price that comes along with it. Nonetheless, for now, he will just have to watch and see how far this goes.

A familiar reiatsu entered Jushiro's room. He opened his eyes to meet the pair of eyes that belongs to the 3rd seat of Squad 11. Ikkaku is wearing only his black hakama. Smirking, he spoke gruffly.

"When did you learn to meditate that long Yumichika? C'mon Zaraki Taichou is waiting at the training ground". Then Ikkaku left unceremoniously just like the way he entered without knocking on the door.

Jushiro sighed deeply. He needs to adjust being in this new body. _Of all the people, why does it have to be Yumichika?_ Being a man of reason, he did not make any fuss. _If I am switched into this boy, then where is the real Yumichika? Who could be in my own body by now? _Quietly, he stood up and walked out the door to follow his today's new best friend – Ikkaku.

_This is going to be a long day._ He gently shook his head. _So be it. For how long I will be Yumichika depends on how soon we can find who the culprit is,_ Jushiro logically reasoned to himself as he closed the door behind him.

* * *

**#2**

_My face! My beautiful face! What the hell happened?!_ Yumichika's hand is trembling as he touched his face. Several times, he tried jumping back to bed and pretends to sleep then bogusly wake up again to see if he was just dreaming. _No, no, NO! This is all horribly real!_ His voice is silenced by the tightness at his throat upon realizing the horror of the situation he is in.

Yumichika is very grossed out at his own reflection in the mirror. His feminine appearance had been transformed into wild and aggressive form. His soft, shiny hair was replaced with long, stringy black hair. The face which he loves so much had been set with a firmer jaw line and pronounced cheekbones. More importantly, how can he wear his colorful feathers on his right eyelashes and eyebrow when these ridges are now hairless?

_Dammit! Why do I have to be cursed?_ The narcissistic 5th seat of 11th Squad further surveyed his entire length: Big, thick, callous hand = _BAD_. Brawny chest_ = Worse_. Eye-patch on the right eye =_ Wish I am dead!_

Yumichika closed his eyes. He no longer wants to look at himself in the mirror. _If I have to be switched with another body, why does it have to be into this? I would gladly become the sophisticated Captain Byakuya or the charming Captain Jushiro. _He mind momentarily drifted into seeing himself in such an elegant stance that Byakuya is known for or flashing that captivating smile of Jushiro which never fail to mesmerize anyone.

Reality jolts in._ Hmmmm…speaking of that, who could have switched into my body? _There is only one way to find out.

_"_Ikaku_!" _he yelled to his bestfriend which now become his subordinate_."_Meet me at the training ground! Bring the beautiful Yumichika!"

_"Hai, Taichou!" _Ikaku replied from outside the captain's quarters_. Did he just mention beautiful Yumichika? _Ikaku scratched his shiny head as he darted to pick up the 5th seat.

Yumichika turned his back from the mirror before opening his eyelids. No matter how much he hated it, there is no other choice but to quietly inhabit the body of Zaraki until issue is rectified. Barely audible, he hissed to himself_. "_Whoever is responsible for this shall pay dearly_"._

* * *

**#3**

HItsugaya nearly drop the cup of tea he was holding upon the strange sight that greeted him in his office.

"Good morning, Hitsugaya Taichou". A gentle smiling face of Rangiku greeted the white-haired captain of Squad 10. "How have you been?" The blond, free-spirited vice captain is seated on her desk busily rummaging into documents.

The child prodigy hesitantly stepped toward his writing desk. His steps are light as feathers while his mind as turbulent as a cyclone. His turquoise eyes widely staring at his fukutaichou.

"Sir? Is something wrong?" Rangiku's mild, sisterly tone broke Toshiro's trance. The curvaceous blond's hair is pulled into a pony tail revealing her finely chiseled features and swan-like neck. Her robes which normally hangs loose is now properly tucked in. Her garb is accentuated with a white turtle-neck blouse worn inside her shihakusho. Overall, her appearance is way conservative compared to before.

"No. Everything's fine." Toshiro finally managed to find words out of shock. "How are the reports this morning?"

"I'm almost done, Taichou. I have collated the reports and updated the daily tracker as well. Hopefully in an hour or so, these should be on their way to Soutaichou's desk." Rangiku beamed. She sounded as if she had been doing this routine all her life without a hitched.

Toshiro was dumbfounded. _Reports. Done early? No, I meant, ahead of time?_ His face is totally an expression of bewilderment. He sighed audibly. Crossing his arms to his chest, he wants to ask his fukutaichou if she hit her head on the wall or something but instead blurted, " I'm going out for a squad inspection. See to it that you follow through with all the paperwork." Then he darted out of the door eager to catch some fresh air.

"Hai, Captain" The smiling fukutaichou is left alone. She seems does not mind that her words were not heard by the white-haired boy.

_I never thought that Hitsugaya-kun is cuter when he is shocked as much as confused. Being Rangiku is a welcome respite after centuries of being a captain_, she mused. _This seems to be interesting_. Unohana warmly thought to herself as she continues with Squad 10's reports.

* * *

**#4**

"Aaaarrggghhhh!" Isane's shrill sliced the stillness of the morning. Why am I naked? Where are my clothes? Oh my goodness…! Where is my shihakusho!" her words were frantic as she awkwardly look around for her clothes. "Where am I? What is this all about?" Her panic cropped up twice as she cannot find her shihakusho.

A loud knock on her door was heard. "Hey, are you alright? May I come in?" a masculine voice from outside the room asked.

"No! wait!" she answered loudly. Her eyes rested on a discarded white bathrobe on the floor. Isane immediately grabbed and put it on her naked body. She fumbled on tying the loose knot as she crossed the room to open the door.

"Uruhara-san?" Her eyes wide in disbelief. "What are you doing here?" she blurted at the shopkeeper.

"Huh? This is my place. This is my shop. Where else should I be?" The tall, lean-built man with light skin and gray eyes asked as he waved the fan in front of his face. "Are you alright, Yoruichi-san?"

"What?" Isane looked behind her. There is no one else inside her room. She then remembered how she was looking upward to the man's face in front of her when she opened the door. He is about 6'0 tall. She should be taller at 6'1.5". Now, how could Uruhara tower over her for almost a foot at that?

KA-BLAM! Isane shut the door loudly. Her heartbeat is madly racing. She braced herself at the closed door.

"Hey! Had I not been an inch farther from the door, you could have broken my nose at that!" Uruhara complained from outside the room.

"I am sorry" Isane answered from within. "Please leave me alone for a moment."

"Are you sure you're alright? Ururu and Tessai had prepared breakfast. Join us in awhile, okay?" The shopkeeper's voice is tinged with concern.

"Yes, I will. Thank you" Isane's terse reply.

She waited with abated breath for Uruhara's reiatsu to go farther away before she slowly moved to the small bedroom dresser. Her reflection says it all. Skin is darker. Eyes glimmer with golden hues. Long purple hair curves smoothly down on her bare back. She cannot take her eyes off to the image in the mirror.

_How did I end up with Yoruichi-san's body?_ Isane tried to collect her emotions. _Be calm. That is what a medic should always be. _Her heartbeat slowly paced back to normal_._

Then a thought struck her. _If I am swapped into Yoruichi-san's, what happened to my own body? Who inhabits it?_ Her horror surmounted her newly calmed nerves. _I have to get back to Soul Society immediately and report to Captain Unohana. However, will she believe me if I tell her I am not Yoruichi-san but Isane, her vice-captain? _Isane wonders to herself. She knows that everyone in Seireitei knows how the Flash Goddess would love to play pranks every once in awhile. Given that fact, how will she make her captain take her revelation seriously?

Isane face-palmed. She knew that this is going to be one hell of a situation. If there is anything that she hope would come out positive out of weirdness is that her kamaboko nightmares may stop for awhile.

Then, a small, girly smile escapes from her lips_. Hmmmm, I guess I just have to make the best out of this strange situation. _So what could be the best out of this_ c_ondition? Her source of frustration – her height! _Well, now I no longer tower over most of the ladies neither some of the men!_ She definitely love her new 5'2" frame.

* * *

**#5**

_This is bad,_ Zaraki thought to himself. His body feels like being weighted down by an enormous pressure. His limbs seem to bear half the strength that he used to know. A slight movement renders him nauseous. Talking is quite a burden too as it cause him some chest tightness and difficulty in breathing.

He leaned back on the pillow to support himself in a sitting position on his bed. The hanging chime delicately produces sound as it dances with the gentle breeze of the morning. The gentle rustling of the artificially created waterfall at the far end of the koi pond is soothing. The soft, golden ray of the morning sun illuminates the rest of the garden with flock of small birds that is happily prancing and singing around.

A breakfast of freshly baked rolls, butter, slices of on-season fruits is laid on top of his bedside table accompanied by a steaming tea set. He reached out for the already filled teacup and slowly lifted to his mouth. _On the contrary, this is not bad at all_. He lazily mused to himself.

_Jushiro must have an iron-will to keep going with this frail body in order to cope up with the rigor of battles and pressures of a captain's role._ Zaraki has found a new and deeper sense of respect for the white-haired captain of Squad 13, the same body to which he had woken up this morning.

Unbeknown to many, despite his battle-frenzy façade, when faced with unusual and difficult circumstance like this, his innate captain quality surfaces. He knows he has to analyze the situation carefully before making any dumb moved. _Do we have a new threat to Soul Society that caused this?_ He wondered. _I hope to be back in my own body before that idiot appears. Battling him should be fun._ He grinned at the last thought.

Suddenly, his mind nudged back. _Who could be occupying my body right now? _Better be someone acceptable to him, otherwise, _I'll wring his neck, whoever he is, if he ever makes any move uncharacteristically of mine._

He shuddered at the notion of Byakuya or Komamura. He could not see himself doing the oh-so-boring tea ceremony in front of anyone. _I'd be dead first!,_ he chuckled. _Wait! What if, Byakuya who is in my body decides to commit seppuku before returning to his own? I would be left with nothing to return to!_ He gritted his teeth and reflexively tried to slam his fist on the bedside table.

Unfortunately due to his fragile condition, instead, he ended up with coughing fits and chest pains. _Darn it! I hope it is not that arrogant bastard. _He would rather accept Komamura as body replacement. Nonetheless, the thought of fire hydrants send chills down his spine_._

_Hmmmm… how many of us were affected by this phenomenon? Where is the real Jushiro? What could be happening right now at Squad 11?_ His mind is full of questions as he stifled a yawn. _The heck! The medicine that Kiyone handed earlier must have started to take effect_. He replaced the teacup into the tray and slowly slid down on the bed for an early morning nap.

* * *

**#6**

"Get me out of here! Idiots! Imbeciles! I swear you will all be incinerated by Ryūjin Jakka and send to oblivion by Zanka no Tachi! How many times do I have to tell you? I am Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto. Stop calling me Hanataro!"

The loud angry voice of Hanataro echoed in the walls of the isolation room he was put in. He is totally enraged. His arms were held by a strait jacket.

"Gather all the captains here! I will prove that I am the Commander in Chief of the Gotei 13!" He yelled angrily from within the cell.

"Poor Hanataro", one of the guards on duty spoke to his other three comrades assigned to watch over the entrance of Squad 4's Mental Asylum section located at the basement of Seireitei's Healing Facility. It is an area where access restriction is heavily imposed. Multiple layers of guard provide intense security to ensure patients in this area do not escape neither allow unauthorized entry. In some cases, this is also the place where medical diagnosis is conducted to determine if exile to The Nest of Maggots is required.

"Yeah, who knows that this mild-manner persona would lose his mind like this?" the other guard answered as he put Hanataro's patient chart on the table.

"I kinda liked that kid y'know?" The third security personnel chimed in. "He tirelessly perform his duty without any complain"

"Not until this morning" the fourth staff said as he emptied the cup of coffee he was holding. Its aroma deliciously wafting throughout the confines of their room, strong enough to keep the guards awake on their watch. "Well. Gotta do my rounds now, and hey the three of you, watch my back okay? I don't wanna be incinerated by Hanataro" He funnily remarked as he left the room.

* * *

** Additional Notes:** This became complex, wasn't it? From this point forward, bear in mind the following changes: Yamamoto=Hanataro;;Unohana=Yoruichi;;Isane= Rangiku ;; Yumichika=Jushiro;; Hanataro=Yamamoto;; Zaraki=Yumichika;; Rangiku=Unohana;; Yoruichi=Isane;; Jushiro=Zaraki.

Hahaha! Let's see how this absurdity steps forward. See you next chapter. Read and review, please! Thanks, muah!


	4. Chapter 4 - Suspicion

**Chapter 4 - Suspicion**

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Hanataro's incarceration spread like a wildfire in Sereitei. Let's see how this affect the rest of the shinigamis with exchanged bodies.

Please see additional notes at the bottom for further clarity. Hey! Don't peek until you finish reading the entire chapter, okay?

**Reading Instructions**: C'mon kids. Let's go and review the instruction so you won't come running to me with complains that you're lost with all the exchanges.

- - #1 Italicized names means it is not the original, okay? (e.g. _Unohana_ = Yoruichi).

- - #2 When you see the switched person is talking from a first person perspective, I've kept it in normal typeface (e.g Yumichika looks at _Yumichika_) It means Yumichika from Zaraki's body is talking to his original body inhabited by another person)

'

* * *

Low voices awoke Zaraki from his nap. Still groggy from the effect of the medication he took in the morning, he chose to stay still. Judging from their reiatsu's, these voices belong to the shared third seat of Squad 13, Sentarō Kotsubaki and Kiyone Kotetsu. Everybody knows how these two shinigamis frequently get in arguments and fights over their competition to impress their captain.

"Did you read the report that Hanataro was admitted to the Mental Asylum by order of Central 46?"the female voice asked.

"Idiot! Wasn't I the one who told you that?" a masculine voice irritably retorted.

"No, you didn't! I already heard it from the bunch of shinigamis on my way here to our squad station before even the official report came in!" argued the girl. Her tone is clearly irked with the other's claim that he was the one who shared the news to her.

"Liar! You were clearly surprised when I told you that!" countered the male.

"No, I am not. I am surprised because the news you broke to me was already a decade late than mine" she hissed.

_Dammit. These two idiots are giving me more headache with their non-sense bickering!_ Zaraki thought. He is itching to throw them out to the farthest district of Seireitei with his bare hands.

Zaraki opened his eyes. With a low growl, he disrupted the squabble between the two third seats. "Why is Hanataro admitted to the Mental Asylum?"

"_Ukitake_ Taichou!" Chorused by Sentaro and Kiyone. "How are you feeling, sir?" the two simultaneously asked.

_Feels like kicking your damn asses out of here._ Zaraki's inner reply. _At least Yachiru's a kid compared with these two. How does Ukitake manage to withstand these little pests? _He marveled at the amount of patience Jushiro have.

Glaring at the two officers, he replied. " Stop your nonsense arguing. I only need one of you to speak at a time. Don't make me repeat my question".

Kiyone and Sentaro was taken aback by the sudden display of sternness from their gentle captain. Seeing how Kiyone was shocked, Sentaro seized the opportunity to speak first.

"Taichou" Sentaro begins. "Per report we officially received today, Squad 4's 7th seat Yamada Hanataro was sent for treatment at the Mental Asylum. He barged in at Squad 1 barrack's demanding that he is the real Soutaichou."

"To further, _Ukitake_ Taichou" Kiyone immediately pitched in after Sentaro's short pause. "He threatened to incinerate Vice Captain Sasakibe and 1st Squad's 3rd seat Okikibe for not believing him as Captain Yamamoto"

" To make matters worse" Sentaro snatched back the conversation with their beloved captain. "Hanataro went to Central 46 Compound with claims that Soutaichou is an imposter and therefore needs to be executed."

_Bloody hell! If Central 46's attention had already been grabbed, I gotta be careful with my role-playing. These two idiots must not notice anything different with their known captain. One wrong move, suspicion from any of these two can send me off to the psychiatric ward or to The Maggots Nest"._

"So, that's how Central 46 became involved?" Zaraki calmly asked.

"Hai, _Ukitake_ Taichou" the sparkle in the eyes and enthusiasm in their voices is evident upon sensing that their captain's mood is back to his normal and gentle manner.

"Can you please stop answering in unison? I meant, you wouldn't want me to have another bout with headache, would you?" Zaraki gently requested. _Morons, you two wait until I get back to my own body and I'll teach you how to act individually_. Zaraki is searing within. "How does Central 46 knows that Hanataro is not lying?" Zaraki prodded.

"Commander General Yamamoto was found sick this morning by Vice Captain Sasakibe. It was 3rd seat Okikiba who brought Captain Unohana to look into Soutaichou's condition at his bedroom" the petite sister of Isane replied, so proud of her knowledge on the matter at hand.

_Those Central 46 stupid bunch! They never learn!_ Zaraki cursed to himself. _They never fail to make convictions based only on what is visible to the eyes._

_'_

* * *

Isane look through Yoruichi's wardrobe for a shihakusho, the garment which she is accustomed to but found none. _Well, I guess I have to settle with Yoruichi-san's usual garb_, she mumbled to herself as she put on the ensemble - black, backless, sleeveless undershirt, an orange over-shirt with two white straps on each shoulder, a large beige sash around her waist, and black stretch pants with a pair of lightweight brown shoes.

Looking at the herself in the mirror, she felt nothing but admiration on the reflection. Curves in all the right places. Smooth tanned skin. Expressive eyes. _Yoruichi-san has such an striking physical appearance. Such gait and grace! No wonder Soifon Taichou holds such high regards for her._ She sighed with envy.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her bedroom door. "_Yoruichi-san_, breakfast is ready. Everybody's waiting. Please join us". A girl's voice. _That must be Ururu_. "I'm coming" she replied.

"Good morning" she greeted everyone with voice barely above whisper as she entered the dining room. Being observant by nature, she decided to analyze the situation before doing anything further.

Four faces quietly watched her as she sat down on the breakfast table. Kisuke eyed her with an amused look beneath his hat. He then snapped close the fan he holds before speaking. "What happened to you this morning, _Yoruichi-san_?" His voice sounded more of a suspicion rather than concern. "Your reiatsu was in turmoil this morning. It haven't been like that for as long as I remember"

Isane's eyes locked gaze with the shopkeeper. Before coming to the breakfast table, she already made her resolve to divulge her secret to the former captain of Squad 12. She knows that it will be far too difficult to keep her true identity especially with a captain-level Uruhara Kisuke neither with Tsukabishi Tessai, former captain of the Kido Corps.

"Uruhara-san" she began. Hear heart pounding as she steel herself for the reaction of everyone on what she is about to say.

"Whoah! URUHARA-SAN!" the red-headed boy who sports a slicked back hair practically yelled. He possesses such quite brash attitude. "Yoruichi-san, since when did you start calling this shady shopkeeper as Uruhara-san?" His laughed sounded more of a snort.

"Ah-uhm…Jinta-kun. It is bad to interrupt people when they are talking." the dark-haired girl who wears a school uniform and sports a noticeably faint blush on her cheeks timidly scold the younger boy.

"So is butting in with others conversation not, Ururu?" Jinta sarcastically retorted.

"Listen" Isane continued, ignoring the pointless bickering of the two kids.

Beep—beep! Beep-beep!

Uruhara's sort-of-an-out-of-this-world communication device incoming message tone diverted everyone's attention away from Isane who is now all set to spill the beans.

Kisuke scowled for a moment then grinned. "Interesting news flash!" he exclaimed with a chuckle and he started to read the message out loud " Hanataro Yamada, 7th seat of Squad 4. By order of Central 46 was admitted to Squad 4's Mental Asylum for psychiatric evaluation. Person of interest claimed of identity swapped with Captain Commander Genryuusai Yamamoto. Any similar cases, notify Gotei 13 officials."

"Mental Asylum. That's one of the initial steps before either being sentence to The Nest of Maggots or Central Great Underground Prison." Tessai, the tall, lightly-tan skinned man declared. His hair is cornrowed and he has a large handlebar mustache, which is connected to a long sideburns. He spoke from personal experience.

"No doubt about it" Kisuke confirmed. "Why would Hanataro act with such stupidity? Nothing short of treason per se." his question was addressed specifically to no one.

"Heck. It seems like a storm is brewing out there. I will bet with my sorry ass that sooner than later, either Pineapple-head or Midget will appear here for any information." The boy, Jinta, absent-mindedly rant as he chomps on his breakfast.

"Watch your mouth, young man." Kisuke reminded Jinta before returning his gaze to _Yoruichi_. "Err…_Yoruichi-san_, what is that you were about to say?"

Isane's mind is wandering off in an abyss. _What would I do now? If I act anything less than I am supposed to do, would any of these people would turn me in? Maybe not. Being exiles, none of them would benefit from it. But what if, Jinta is correct? Someone from Seireitei is already here watching us at this very moment? Tessai-san and Uruhara-san were once considered enemy of Seireitei thus it is normal that they may always be surveyed by Soifon Tachou's squad. Worse, Yoruichi-san was once declared a traitor too. _

She is beside herself. Her very own mind is frantically debating on what will be her next move. She had visited Seireitei's psychiatric facility for numerous times. She shuddered at the thought of being locked up there.

"~~_Yoruichi-san_~~" Kisuke called to her in a sing-song manner. "~~Hellllloooooo~~?" the shopkeeper then tapped the table with the base of the folding fan he holds.

"KISUKE!" Isane blurted out. "What did you just say?" She finally managed to speak. Now, she remembered how Yoruichi calls Uruhara, all thanks to Jinta. Her tone firm and eyes alert. No need to act all girly at this moment. She can be herself. Isn't that Captain Unohana always tell her, that she rarely talks in a girly manner? It is a shared trait with Yoruichi.

"You zoned out. Why?" Kisuke partially covered his face with the fan.

Isane couldn't make out the expression from Kisuke's face but she felt like being scrutinized underneath the fan and bucket hat . She hated being scrutinized. She hated being doubted. These does not need any acting at all.

"Idiot! You are such an idiot, Kisuke! who would not zone out at this situation?" Isane let go of her emotional rein. Letting things go freely. Naturally. Like the way she would do without the presence of her Captain Unohana. "Jinta is right. Situation like this, we're back into Seiretei's radar!"

"See? I'm right." Jinta spoke with full-mouth and about to get another helping of the porridge. _Porridge? _ Isane's attention was diverted to the breakfast table. Never mind the rolls neither the butter nor the fruits but the porridge serving bowl is half-empty. Her all-time favorite. _Oh no! You're not going to get another helping brat!_

Isane's reflex kicked in. She immediately wrestled for the bowl that Jinta holds to take it away from him. "You've got your fill! Now…" she pointed to the serving bowl before grabbing them entirely, "this is mine!"

"Not fair!" yelled Jinta.

Kisuke laughed at the violent drama unfolding before his very eyes. "Welcome back, _Yoruichi_" he whispered with a sly smile.

'

* * *

BAM! An erected practicing wall of hard concrete crumbled as soon as _Zaraki's _bare-fist made contact with it. He is standing alone at Squad 11's training ground.

_Hahaha!_ Yumichika laughed from within himself._ It seems that the inherent quality of Zaraki Tachou's battle strength is still within this body_. _What an incredible combination, my natural love for beauty plus this body's strength! I shall make great plans for our squad._ With a slight flick of his head to the right, Yumichika further stressed his words audibly _"_Great plans_!"_

"_Ken-chan_!" Yachiru called out as she swiftly run towards Yumichika. Before he knew it, the speeding pink-haired insect is already latched on his left shoulder, her declared personal territory. "Got news for you!" she is practically screaming her lungs out on his ears.

Pretending to be Zaraki is not a challenge for Yumichika. He and Ikaku had been his subordinates since time immemorial, hence, all his mannerisms and quirks are a familiar ground for him. Of course, this include the annoying and talking epaulet on his left side.

"Hisa-hisa told me that Hanataro was sent for evaluation at the Mental Asylum" Yachiru narrated.

"What?!" a simultaneous reaction was heard from the newly arrived Ikaku and _Yumichika_.

_Hey, is that me?_ Yumichika marveled at seeing his own self walking towards him. His stride was fast yet graceful. His featherbrow was gone yet his face still radiates with subtle masculine charm. On the left of his face, his dark, soft shiny hair was tucked behind the ears. His limbs sway with such gait and elegance while walking. Yumichika wanted to hug himself but restrained from doing so as to avoid setting off the alarm.

_Who can that be? Is that Byakuya Taichou or Jushiro Taichou?_ Yumichika's head is swimming in delight upon seeing that his body's inhabitant is probably one of the civilized and sophisticated creatures he wished to be and not the barbaric owner of his current body_. Whose body did Zaraki Taichou ends up with?_ He wondered.

"_Ken-chan_!" Yumichika's reverie was cut short by a loud yell and a hard slap on his face all courtesy of the little candy-munching terror.

"What was that again, Yachiru? Yumichika again asked.

"I said, Hanataro lost his mind!" the vice-captain of Squad 11 replied with a pout to her _Ken-chan_.

"Why was Hanataro sent to the mental care facility?" Ikaku asked. He is holding is zanpakuto behind his head with both of his raised arms. He approached his two immediate superiors briskly.

"You were eavesdropping, Pachinco head!" Yachiru yelled at Ikaku with an accusing finger.

"Idiot! You're so loud that even the dead from miles away can hear you!" the 3rd seat of Squad 11 yelled back.

"You meanie! If a dead can hear me, why didn't you hear me say that Hanataro lost his mind?"

"Now, now. Will you two stop this yelling bout? Be nice with each other, kids" _Yumichika_ stepped in between the word-war of Ikaku and Yachiru.

Ikaku grudgingly obliged by turning his back away from the trio. Yachiru returned the favor by jumping off Zaraki's back. She chose to stand on the ground which faces the opposite direction. Now, it is only _Yumichika_ and _Zaraki _who faces each other directly.

"Fukutaichou, can you tell more about it? I'm sure a prodigy like you would have a lot of details for issues like these." Jushiro prodded firmly yet gently at the little girl standing at an arm's length from him. Though already living inside the shell of of the 5th seat, he still carries the natural charm his widely known for.

_Oh my! My body's in good hands!_ Yumichika feels like dancing. _My body's new occupant is such a darling!_ He is inwardly prancing, yet, outwardly acting resolute. _Goodness gracious! Such eloquence in speech! _

_Zaraki's_ gaze glided from _Yumichika's _eyes, further down to the bridge of the nose, then to the boy's delicate cheekbones and finally resting to the partially parted lips. Yumichika can't help but admire his own self from Zaraki's sight. He is a narcissist in every sense of the word.

"Tell us, Yachiru" _Zaraki_ coaxed the little girl to continue with her report. His voice is nothing more than a growl.

"Central 46 ordered it. Hisa-hisa read the report to me that Hanataro entered Squad 1 barracks with no authorization and claimed he is Soutaichou." She paused. "Where is your communication device, _Ken-chan? _" Yachiru seems to be tired in explaining, hence, she tried to circumnavigate.

"I broke it_."_ Yumichika flatly replied.

"No, you didn't. You lost it! Admit it!" Yachiru begins to throw signs of tantrums.

_This is bad_. Jushiro said to himself. _I need to get this piece of critical information._ Enforcing a sweet smile on his face, he tenderly looks into Yachiru's eyes.

"Would you want to know where Hitsugaya Taichou keeps the candies he received?" Jushiro is careful not to give himself away with the knowledge of Central 46's involvement. Instead of directing the little girl to his place, he diverted her to Toshiro's. "I'd share you a little secret if you tell us everything you know."

Candies! Magic word. Yachiru willingly shared all the details she got from Hisagi. After a long monologue, Yachiru happily sped away towards Squad 10's location, leaving the three men behind.

"_Zaraki Taichou_, shall we start with our training?" Ikaku broke the silence. He grins from ear to ear with the prospect of beginning his day with another brutal training with his equally battle-frenzy captain.

_What an idiot!_ Yumichika sternly looked at Ikaku. From Zaraki's eyes, he could see his friend's battle-lust look.

"No. I lost my mood". Yumichika replied. "Go. Patrol our designated area. Try to get further details regarding this Hanataro's incident." He wants to gather added information. Central 46 is an absolute entity. No one with a sane mind would want to catch their attention in a negative way. He knew that he has to be extra careful and play his card the right way.

If anyone starts to infer anything different from the current Zaraki, he may end up as cellmate with Hanataro. Worse, if he chooses to confess, his beautiful body would also be towed to that underground facility since it meant that another rogue inhabits it.

"Hai, Taichou" the disappointment in Ikaku's voice is evident although his face does not say it all. "Let's go, _Yumichika_" he called to his quiet companion as he walked away.

_Yumichika_ made a quick bow to _Zaraki. _"Have a nice day ahead, _Zaraki Taichou_" he said before leaving.

_Zaraki _acknowledged _Yumichika's_ gesture with a nod.

_What a fine fellow! Such poise and elegance_. Yumichika admired himself more as his own body turned and walked away_._

Staring at the back of his friend, he cursed._ Ikaku you bastard! Why would I fight you and myself? What if my body gets hurt and my own face gets ruined? Besides, Zaraki taichou's body is already filled with battle scars. I don't want to damage it further. Hmmm… I wonder if I get a cosmetic surgery to treat these flaws?_ Yumichika looked at his arms and chest. _Nah, it seems hopeless to beautify this body._

Jushiro surreptitiously glanced at the captain of Squad 11 that is still standing in the middle of the training ground. He was well aware that _Zaraki _had been watching him closely since the moment he entered the grounds. _Something is off_, he noted.

The aristocrat saw a different flicker in _Zaraki's_ eyes. Was it admiration? The feeling is odd. _Zaraki's_ looking at him smoothly from head to toe. He may be transferred to another body but the instinct and the consciousness of being a captain remains. _It is confusing enough to get swapped with this boy's body but…_ he stopped his cheeky thought and tried to reason out. _Zaraki probably got swapped with a female shinigami, _Jushiro paused as tried to recall Zaraki's movement,_ but his mannerism does not seem to say so!_

Jushiro debated with himself. _Could it be? Nah! no way! _He shuddered how _Zaraki's_ gaze slithered all over him. He remembered how the Squad 11's eyes lingered on his lips_. Is there something we do not know about Zaraki? _

Jushiro became terrified at his thought. _What is Zaraki's real sexual orientation__?_ Jushiro shook his head in disbelief. _This situation should be rectified soon! I do not intend to confirm the truth by ending up at Zaraki's bedroom!_ Beads of sweat fell from his forehead as he shunpo'd to catch up with the long gone Ikaku.

'

* * *

Toshiro returned to his office early in the afternoon. He wondered if the morning scenario is just an extended dream from his last night's sleep or a wish came true. _Rangiku's possibly up to something. If she thinks I'd fall for her trap, she's dead wrong._ He stopped in front of his office door. _Here we go._

The spiky white haired captain of Squad 10 unceremoniously flung his office door wide. His jaw dropped.

Judging from the absence of anyone's reiatsu, he knew he is alone inside the room. Carefully, he closed the door. Then tip-toed catlike into his writing desk, all the while keeping his senses sharp in case _Rangiku_ placed some stupid traps or anything unlikely.

Toshiro cannot believe his eyes. The stack of paper lying on the floor was gone. He walked over to the filing cabinets and inspected them one by one. All papers were properly collated, compiled and labeled!

The room smells citrusy fresh. The diminutive captain headed towards the installed pantry in his room. Slowly, he opened the cupboards. He found fresh stocks of fruit juices and health bars. All bottles of sake were gone!

Basically, Squad 10's captain room is immaculate. The throw pillows were properly arranged on the couch. The room's bare window was dressed with a new pale blue embroidered curtain. Its material is sheer enough to let the natural lights flow into the room but thick enough to provide privacy. The books shelves were also catalogued appropriately.

_What miracle is this?_ Toshiro wondered. For almost like an eternity, he had been nagging his fukutaichou to do any of these but all efforts were futile. Then, in just barely a day, all is well? Is _Rangiku _trying to pull his leg?

"Would you like some tea, Hitsugaya Taichou?"

The boy-captain almost jumped out of his skin. When his good-for-nothing-taichou did come in? he irritably thought.

"_Matsumoto_! How long you been standing there?"

"Do you like our room?" the vice-captain ignored her captain's query. "I have brought with me some freshly baked rolls that definitely go well with a cup of steaming tea" she offered. Her voice is so warm, so gentle, so sisterly if not maternal.

Toshiro sighed. He does not have the strength to argue with someone with such caring tone and thoughts. He crossed the room and quietly sat down on the couch. "Yes, please".

A sense of relief washed over when his body made contact with the soft, vermillion-hued couch. He placed one of the pillows on his lap and hugged it. _This must be too good to be true. _He feels like taking a quick nap. After all, he had been up too early this morning.

"Taichou, your communication device is in the left drawer of your table. It seems you left them this morning" _Rangiku_ sweetly informed Toshiro from across the room. She is preparing the set of snacks she offered earlier.

Hitsugaya stood up to retrieve the device from his table's drawer and flopped back to the couch once again.

"There was also a memorandum from Soutaichou's office that I signed for acceptance. It is about Hanataro." the blond vice captain continued, her voice trailing off at the end.

Toshiro was too distracted by the rush of changes to notice anything. He did not pay attention on how her voice trailed off upon mentioning Hanataro's name. He keeps on reading the messages on his device.

"Was there any important announcement, sir?" _Rangiku _stepped out from the pantry with a tray-load of snacks. She placed them on top of the center table in front of the couch. A nicely cut loaf of bread sat on it along with 2 cold glasses of freshly squeezed lemon juice, 2 cups of steaming tea, and plateful of bite-size chunks of on-season fruits.

"Nothing, just the routine general messages". Toshiro replied.

_Rangiku_ smiled at her captain. Unknown to him, to avoid early detection of her vice-captain's new identity, Unohana had deliberately deleted the high-level advisory that the device had received. Likewise, she immediately signed the transmittal receipt of the official report for the incident with Hanataro. Its copy was already filed inside the filing cabinet, already lost among the many newly compiled reports.

Unohana prevented Toshiro from hearing the news to avoid any suspicion for her. She knew how bitter Toshiro's feelings were after Aizen's betrayal that devastated Hinamori. It all started too with a fake dead body of Aizen. How much more if it is of breathing body of his trusted assistant with a different entity residing within it?

"How's your squad inspection, Captain?" Unohana wanted to know if Toshiro has heard of the news outside.

"Nothing much. Actually, I inspected our old holding cells. It seems it really needs to be condemned and needs to build a new one as replacement." Toshiro sipped from his teacup. Oddly, he felt so relaxed. It has been ages since the two of them discussed productively.

"You were alone, Captain?" Unohana pressed the boy for further details. He chews contentedly on a slice of bread.

"Yes, I am" he answered while eating. _Captain he may be, but he is still a boy at heart. And the thing is, he won't admit it._ Unohana looks with amusement at the child who wields and possesses the strongest ice-type zanpakuto in Soul Society.

"Quit staring at me, _Matsumoto_"

"I'm sorry, Taichou. I just can't help but worry. You should bring someone along with you."

"I can handle things myself"

"I have no doubt about that, Sir."

"So, why worry?" Toshiro's tone is childlike.

_I'm worried that you may create unnecessary noise if you find out the truth about me, _Unohana replied inwardly.

"Well, I'm your fukutaichou. So it is but normal for me to take care of you, Captain" she wittingly replied and successfully skirted the actual issue. It seems that her secret is safe for the meantime. With Central 46's clout on the matter, Unohana cannot risk exposing her identity untimely.

"_Matsumoto_, how did you manage to finish all the reports?

"Focus, Sir"

"How about the cleanup of all the scattered papers in this room?"

"Ah! Yachiru dropped by earlier. She asked for candies. I requested if she can provide an extra hand. After doing so, she technically emptied the farthest cabinet on the left at the pantry. You mind that?"

Toshiro shrugged his shoulder."No." He is now sipping on the glass of lemonade. "So, Yachiru really helped?"

"She is of tremendous help, Taichou"

The turquoise-eyed captain replaced the empty glass back onto the tray. "The snack was good, thank you"

"_Matsumoto_" Toshiro reclined on the couch. His appearance confirmed that he was fully satisfied. It seems that this was his first meal of the day.

"Why are you so suddenly nice and all covered up?" he asked. His voice is void of any malice but full of curiosity.

"Women changed when they grow older" Unohana's short reply.

"Is that so?"

"Yes"

"Am worried" Toshiro sleepily declared.

"Why?" Unohana's hand reached out for the blanket inside the ottoman beside her chair. She gently covered Toshiro with it. The child did not protest.

"If you continue like this, few years from now, you'd be a regular saint" He said before sleep claimed him.

'

* * *

Yoruichi sat cross-legged in the middle of the head healer's room with eyes fixed on the message received by Unohana's communication device. Her mind is processing all the possibilities now that Central 46's claw had extended over the issue.

_How dumb Commander Yamamoto can be? _ She tried to put herself from the old head captain's perspective. _He must thought that if he is within a low-level shinigami, then, somebody powerful must have taken his place. He must be willing to sacrifice the boy's body as well as his' over the truth. Such typical of him._

The witty were-cat looked across the silver-haired girl crouched on a corner, hugging her legs with both of her arms. _How extensive can this thing be? If Hanataro is Yamamoto and Yamamoto is Hanataro, it would be easier to tackle things as they are directly exchanged. But, Isane as Rangiku, and me as Unohana, what is the assurance that my body is occupied by Unohana nor Rangiku with Isane? What if it is another person? Then that means a cycle of random exchanges had taken place. With Central 46 in the picture, I doubt anyone would be willing to come out_. Her logical thinking is at work.

"_Isane_". Yourichi called to the quiet girl. No response.

"_ISANE_!" She yelled. The girl lifted her eyes as if just woken from a deep slumber.

"Me? Captain _Unohana_?" She pointed at herself, oblivious to the truth in front of her. "Haven't I told you that I am Ran-"

"SHUT UP!" Yoruichi snapped at the vice captain. She continued with a stress on the girl's name " I-S-A-N-E… you hear me right? Come here."

The tall girl moved towards Yoruichi on all fours. "What is it captain _Unohana_?"

Yoruichi handed the device to the young girl, "Read this"

_Isane's_ eyes widened.

"You understand, right? Unless you consider strait jacket as fashion"

The fukutaichou nodded.

"Now, pull yourself together. We have work to do, _Isane_". _Unohana_ gently smiled at her vice-captain.

'

* * *

**Additional Notes:** The body switches were planned to be of the least expected. Most bleach fans would expect Zaraki exchanged with Byakuya or Shunsui with Jushiro. Therefore, I decided to play around a little, something out of character. Then I added Central 46 to throw-off the old habits, like Yumichika will have to avoid openly sashaying as Zaraki. Okay, spoilers stop here. :p

Your feedback is very much appreciated! Thanks.

**Seproth**: Hope this clarifies. Thanks for the review! J


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